As i go through life and attend Leather events, i see lots of Doms/subs and how they act. i see subs not acting very “sub like” . i get worried that “Old Guard” is forgotten and as my Sir has said and many others, you need to have a good foundation to have a good D/s relationship.
Definition: leather boy — a submissive man wanting a Leather Daddy/Sir/Master to serve. Leather boys are also boys who serve the community in service without a Sir. The word “boy” in this sense has nothing to do with biological age. It is a mindset. Also there are Leather bois who are female; hence the word “boi” is often used.
When a boy starts his journey under the direction of his Sir, the Sir passes down the attitudes that He has learned since His own journey started. A boy who is new to leather culture earns his own leather as he demonstrates his learning, and the bond between Sir and boy grows. There are no concrete ways to go about earning leather, nor is there a definitive set of leather that needs to be earned; it is unique to the individual. Regardless of how this tradition is integrated into a relationship, earned pieces of leather represent learning and experience.
Of course, not all boys “grow up” to become Doms. Plenty of boys are quite happy fulfilling the submissive role of a relationship, but they are not exempt from these growing experiences or from passing on their knowledge to others. The dynamic between them and their Dom may eventually evolve into roles where teaching and learning are not a focal point of the relationship, but as previously mentioned, the dynamics of the Sir/boy relationship can shift freely as the situation calls.
How a boy should act: When a Leather boy is with his Sir, he will make sure his Sir’s needs are met, something as simple as fetching Him a drink, light His cigar, and other needs as they arise. Now if you are a boy and you are in a public setting, you always take care of your Sir first but don’t forget there are other Doms around and if your Sir allow, show them the same respect as you show your own Sir provided They do not already have a boy in service.
As for approaching a Master/Sir/Dom, first if you are collared, you need to ask permission from your Sir. If you are an un-collared boy, make sure to make good eye contact with a Sir and see if He is receptive to your advances. If you are interested in a Sir and He has not approached you, you might consider approaching Him and simply stand in His presence awaiting him to acknowledge you, especially if you have made eye contact with Him and He is receptive to you. If the Sir is busy and you notice He needs a light, or a drink, offer a light or to fetch His drink (Note to Doms reading this: do not expect a boy to pay for your drink if he does not offer, if a boy offers to fetch you a cocktail, give him the money for it, boys won’t ask You for money, but be courteous). More aggressive Sirs will approach you and make their intentions known, if the feelings are mutual, enjoy, if not, and you are collared, 1. The Dom should know better and inquire as to your Sir, if you’re uncollared, but the feeling is not mutual, you are still an individual, and can respectfully decline His advances.
As my Sir tells me from his time in the Marine Corps, an enlisted man would never order an Officer around, the same holds true in our Leather lifestyle, a boy should never order his Sir or any other Sir around at all! Different Sirs have different ways in which a boy may express his opinion, there is no set in stone protocol here other than to be respectful particularly in public. (see “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie or “Creating Magic” by Lee Cockerell)
Paul Brown is International Leatherboy 2014. He writes about explorations in leather and fetish and lives in Louisville, Ky.